Perhaps

*Time is the best story teller of all time-

Perhaps my uncanny ability to hear the smallest stir of you is what drives me running into your arms. I lay and wait most mornings, half asleep half awake, taking pleasure in the stillness, wanting to stretch out and touch you with my toes, to feel your warmth with me. I wonder if you know your own propensity. I am wanting and waiting- I close my eyes and this feeling creates a soft song in my soul. I see you facing my side, your right arm outstretched beneath my pillow. I have never felt safer than when I'm lying in that warm space you've made just for me against your chest, the soft rushing of your breath against my ear.

For me, the quiet comprehension of laying next you and the gentle affection expressed in your touch carries more love than my heart has ever known. I feel like a daffodil caught under your penumbra of gladness, drowned in your humble brilliance. "Love's a fool's dance" and thus I shall be dancing forever because of you. This love has again crept upon me with its velvety paws. I don't know why it is that I fall in love with you, but I do. I just see you and hear you and even the trifling irritations make me fall.

You came to me in a dream last night, again. It seems like every time we fall apart, my heart finds a way to bring you back to me- somehow. I was alone and lost somewhere strange and unknown. I felt broken and scared and the musical sounds of your voice lead me through the path of least resistance to find you there solid, confident, and waiting for me. A weight was lifted from within when I looked up and saw your perfectly chiseled face. Your expression was quite different this time. It was serene and spiritually sound, as where you. Your broad shoulders amaze me still and the way you look at me when excitement seeps into your veins creates an eminent passion deep within me and all I can think to myself is, “I never want this feeling to go away."

Some time has passed in this dream, since last we spoke or saw each other. Some time has passed since I felt close to you and close to us. Why is that we fall apart each time we do and why do you leave in this horribly messy way? I feel you in the rain, I hear you in my words, and I smell you in my sheets. How do you do this thing you do so well to me? How do you find your way into my soul and see that when you do, you had been there all along? Your touch has once again erased your lies from my wounded life and though I prayed for your return, I have become lucid and my insides are tired and sore.

The dark mists of the past leaves our separate souls standing together in a chill, clinging gray fog and in this grey fog our insides are blurry and unclear- just like our future and past. The walls of my imagination are playing tricks on me again and I’m not sure that I will make it out whole this time. The deep, fierce, aching, and rising fear and cries of needing you have dissolved into the air. Something slips from within without choice or question and wraps itself around me forever, like the breath of the moon.

My heart desires to see you again. My feelings for you are unbounded of any rules and laws and they have been for quite some time. I find myself in the deepest of thoughts these days. I've been praying to God to please arrange the circumstances in such a way that this would be easier this time around.

I realize that by even asking for such a thing is selfish and wrong in many ways. The uncertainty has me lost, confused, and apologizing for my thoughtless actions or inactions. You've seduced and captured my heart again and the window has closed now. I know what I did wrong- I love you. I always have and my heart is completely yours.